The End #3 : Disastrous

I need time to cool down before i can write about the convocation. It was a remedial lesson for me to never trust anyone.

So, to cool down and keep my head from mourning about that day, i kept myself busy today, settling my certificates and such, tracking my lost parcel, replying all emails and lastly, educating myself on how to launch  into housemanship.

And i found out, in one of the forms, they listed the hospitals for us housemen-to-be to choose from like this:

1.                     HOSP. TUNKU FAUZIAH, KANGAR

2.                     HOSP. SULTANAH BAHIYAH, ALOR SETAR

3.                     HOSP. SULTAN ABDUL HALIM, SUNGAI PETANI

4.                     HOSP. KULIM, KEDAH

5.                     HOSP. PULAU PINANG

6.                     HOSP. SEBERANG JAYA

7.                     HOSP. TAIPING, PERAK

8.                     HOSP. IPOH

9.                     HOSP. TELUK INTAN

10.                  HOSP. SERI MANJUNG, PERAK

11.                  HOSP. KUALA LUMPUR

12.                  HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN RAHIMAH, KLANG

13.                  HOSP. SELAYANG, SELANGOR

14.                  HOSP. KAJANG, SELANGOR

15.                  HOSP. SERDANG, SELANGOR

16.                  HOSP. AMPANG, SELANGOR

17.                  HOSP. SUNGAI BULOH, SELANGOR

18.                  HOSP. TUANKU JAA’FAR, SEREMBAN

19.                  HOSP. TUANKU AMPUAN NAJIHAH, KUALA PILAH

20.                  HOSP. MELAKA

21.                  HOSP. PAKAR SULTANAH FATIMAH, MUAR

22.                  HOSP. SULTANAH AMINAH, JOHOR BAHRU

23.                  HOSP. BATU PAHAT, JOHOR

24.                  HOSP. SULTAN ISMAIL, JOHOR

25.                  HOSP. TENGKU AMPUAN AFZAN, KUANTAN

26.                  HOSP. SULTAN HAJI AHMAD SHAH. TEMERLOH

27.                  HOSP. SULTANAH NUR ZAHIRAH, KUALA TERENGGANU

28.                  HOSP. RAJA PEREMPUAN ZAINAB II, KB

29.                  HOSP. UMUM SARAWAK, KUCHING

30.                  HOSP. SIBU, SARAWAK

31.                  HOSP. MIRI, SARAWAK
32.                  HOSP. QUEEN ELIZABETH, KOTA KINABALU

33.                  HOSP. TAWAU, SABAH

34.                  HOSP. DUCHESS OF KENT, SANDAKAN, SABAH

35.                  HOSP. UNIV. KEBANGSAAN MALAYSIA(HUKM)

36.                  PUSAT PERUBATAN UNIV. MALAY (PPUM)

37.                  HOSP. UNIV. SAINS MALAYSIA (HUSM)

38.                  HOSP. PUTRAJAYA

 From the top, it's from north to the south, then to the east. Made it easier for me to choose haha. By the way, all my chosen hospitals are the dreadful ones, the ones people trying their best to avoid and the ones where doctors there would laugh their asses off if they knew  people (me) actually apply there willfully. Oh well, what to do, those are the closest hospitals to my family/home. Which somehow got me thinking, maybe it's geographical factors that made senior doctors there behave like that. Too much rain maybe. So maybe, maybe, if i flatten Bukit Larut, rain will pour down less frequent and maybe then, those doctors will behave more humanely. A point to ponder.

Heavyweight

Final of the final is approaching fast. Pray for me (and my whole batch) people please!

I've started to study on regular basis..the pressure is no joke i tell you. This really scares me shitless, can pee in the pants la every time i look at the final schedule. The problem is, the more i study, the less i seem to know. And then the pressure doubles! I'll keep trying anyway, He will always help me :)

Anyway, i found this pic on fb, and not sure how true it is. Probably not true at all, but who knows.

My first 3 words:

1. Intelligence - of course, that's what i really need now. Finalfinalfinalfinalfinal x_x!

2. Freedom - I want a car, and i want to be super strong like wolverine, so i can go anywhere i want, anytime, and not worried about being harassed.

3. Experience - That, i'm not sure.

Sick Conundrum

I always malinger, for all the good reasons. Erm, if it was good reason, it wouldn't be call malingering right?  But the point is, i always visit the health centre whenever i feel under the weather. I am a medical student, i totally know what's wrong with me and how to treat it, but it's best to consult the real doctor, also, to get free drugs hahahahah. Being me, i have to keep my stash of antihistamines, mefenamic acid, steroid cream and paracetamol available at least enough for a week all the time. Ok i don't need mefenamic acid for a week, it's usually 1/month, but i'm OCD like that, it's nice to know i have a lot of it.

But then, i had to had Family Medicine course last year and screwed it. I performed extremely bad that i couldn't face my doctors there out of shame. It sucks that now i have to frequent the pharmacy and buy my own drugs. I did visit the health centre once though, when i had that sea urchin puncture and thought i was going to die. Damn you sea urchin, the next time i snorkel in Aqabah, i will extinct your population single-handedly.

Then, ironically, i felt really sick (got food poisoning, i thought i was going to die yesterday) today and i couldn't drag my ass off to the health centre and it got me thinking, what's the point of health centre really? To give free drugs to people like me, to give MC to other malingering gits, to do simple investigations of people with chronic disease, to follow up. But it has no role at all on helping really sick people pronto. Really sick people can barely run to the toilet to puke, let alone to get up, get dressed and go to the health centre.

And then, no health centre visit means no MC means absent for no reason to our doctor. I am lucky that i am now in Internal Medicine, they don't really give a damn on attendance and whatnot, but let say if i were in 5th year and in minor rotation that give a big fat damn on attendance, is it fair like this? You really are sick, but you have no evidence that you are sick because you're too sick to go get a proof that you're sick.

It's annoying like that, this world.

#update 4/5/2013: INTERNAL MED GAVE A BIG FAT DAMN ON ATTENDANCE! I GOT 0 FOR MY EVALUATION MARK GRRRR (CONFIRMED, I MET THE HOD AKA MY ALLERGIST)

All of my change I've spent on you

My camera was broken after my trip to re-discover Jordan. Re-discover, as in after 5 years living here only now i went to Petra, Jordan's treasure, one of the seven wonders. It's filled with shits literally as there were donkeys, camels, horses and dogs (and human) running around so it stinks, it's a damned place, it's dusty, crowded, hot, very big and it's not that great in my eyes. I wonder how it deserves to be one of the wonders, i mean, come on. It marked the accomplishment of the previous generation yes, but that's it. We all know human are great at adapting. In order to adapt with them living in the desert, they built that thing, carved the mountain to live inside it maybe because they don't have tree around so can't build rumah kayu. And then they bred and everything evolved, so Petra is just what's left of the ancient city. One day in the future, like year 4012, i guess people will be gawking into what's left of New York and claim ah human is great and clever. Same concept. As in seven wonders, i think Jeita Grotto in Lebanon is much much much more fascinating and wonderful. Lucky me i only paid 1jd to be in that shitty place. I'm not into that kind of thing so i was quite disappointed that day. Plus, I forgot to bring dexpanthenol so my face was so dry, itchy, swollen, reddish and burnt.

Then we went to Aqaba and Wadi Rum to save the mood yay!. Those two are my fav places in Jordan, if they're nearer i'd spent every weekend there.

And on the way home, i noticed my camera was broken. The lens cover was stuck, they couldn't close and exposed my lens. It must be because of the very fine sand particle in Wadi Rum entered the lens and jammed the system. Or because i accidentally "injured" my camera while slipping  it into my pocket.

So the next day (or the next next day don't remember sudah tua!), after resting, i tried to fix it dumbly. Lens cover stuck, ah can just pull the lens cover with forceps. I did it, yeah, lens cover closed, no gap, but my lens couldn't extend and it said "lens error". I totally freaked out at this moment! My camera rosak sudah, need to buy new one! So i checked my spending account, got money or not for new camera. Got got, back pain pays man!

So i googled for new camera's price hehe. I want a small camera with faster speed and nicer picture. The likes of Nikon J1/V1 or Pentax K-01. I always want a DSLR before, but i hate their huge ass size. Huge ass as in they don't fit into my handbag easily. I'm not a good photographer, i have no sense, no skill and no time (and will) to learn, and i always think only good photographer can own a huge ass camera, so when the mirrorless interchangeable lens camera came out, i jumped in joy eventhough i do not own them yet!

I was about to call my dad to survey those cameras and decide which one to buy, before i figured out hey let's try google lens error. Then i stumbled upon this, and chose the easiest way to try, smack the camera. I turned on the camera and smacked the camera lens down lightly onto my palm twice, and magically my lens can extend properly now! It's noisy though, when i turned it on, but it's functioning normally. I guess the tiny particle came out and stopped jamming the system. So yeah, no new camera yet, and the money can be channelled into something more useful, like eating doli's kotiau daily during my elective yay! Besides, it's more advantageous for me to get new camera next year, because those kind of cameras i want are still new to the market, and Canon hasn't produce them yet. I guess with Canon entering the field, the competition will become wilder and the price baseline will go down a bit. And i'm graduating next year, so i can ask for the camera as my graduation gift hihi. One year advance notice mom/dad/brada!

i'm coming, doli!

On the other hand, I'm currently in Anesthesia rotation and it's fun. Mostly we learn about drugs with narrow therapeutic index with death as side effects, and some techniques. Anesthetists don't seem to be busy, they have time to read Jane Austen in OT and sometimes laugh covertly when junior surgeon scolded by senior surgeon. They prep the patient for surgery, make sure everything is ok, then rest for the rest of the surgery, look at the monitor once in a while to check, when the surgery finishes they stop the anesthesia and wake the patient up and send them to the recovery room, observe, if the patient is fine (got criteria to decide how fine the patient is, but i forgot), send them to ward and that's it. Seems fun to me. Though learning it here is not that much fun because (damn you Adele i thought it's a banshee outside! my hair is all standing now! Stop wailing in the middle of the song please!!) of my lack of understanding of Arabic. I must be a retard, living here for 5 years and still don't understand most of time what the heck are my doctors' questions. I always end up babbling things that have nothing to do with the question if i answer at all, most of the time i said "i don't know" because that's much safer than saying "doctor i don't understand your question.". My landlord's bibik, when she came here, she knew nothing about Arabic, 4-5 months latter she communicates with us in Arabic. Lucky me almost all of my exams are conducted in English, except when i was examined by a moody woman who i suspect must be in her pre-menopausal period.

ps1: I listened to Safe and Sound by Taylor Swift and that hauntingly tribal song from Maroon 5, and i think Hunger Games must be a good movie because those songs are beautiful! Good movies always have good songs made for them. Crappy movies, they just use the songs available. So, movies to look forward to: Hunger Games, The Raid: Redemption<-- this one, shinoda made the score, awesome! and it's indonesian action movies, double awesome because asian action movies usually lack of cg so they perform the stunts themselves gracefully! remember chocolate? ong bak?

ps2: I pray for the best, for my country, and for everyone. Let's play fair, really. Keep fighting.

ps3: I wanna taste horlick mcflurry too huuu!

Stop running, nose!

The time of the year...hayfever attack wuaaaa!

My sick schedule of the year :

Early winter : sore throat, loss of voice mainly. featuring cough and mild fever.

Winter : ankle sprain. I don't know why, but my ankle always sprains in winter. Sinovial fluid dries up?

             eczema attack.

Spring : hayfever. Antihistamine is staple.

Summer : Lethargy. heat stroke?

Anyway, weekend is still good despite the non-stop sneezing and sreeeet (blowing nose, getting the snot out). The good news is, headphones arrived safe and sound. And superb! Though the cable is absurdly long, 3m! Like twice some of my friends' height. 

Life update #4

I had my almost 10 days holiday, and it will end soon. it's really nice to have this break in the middle of the course, considering we're studying non-stop, of course figuratively, since last October. It's not really a holiday btw, it's a 2-weeks forensic course, but since forensic isn't major here, we were able to conclude the course in 3 days. I wonder why we have to have this course in the first place since forensic has its own people, non-medical people. maybe they don't have standalone forensic course here. but not complaining, i love this holiday!

I've been bragging about my holiday to countless people and it feels good. really good that i sleep smiling every night oh god i love holiday! my mom, as usual, nagged me to study eventhough it's holiday. my dad, he's cool, asked me where to go for this holiday. heh tanya je ape cerita dad, money don't breed itself. sterile money.

Too bad this weekend my sponsor decided to disturb me with "student development kinda program". I don't mind meeting the delegacy, in fact i do look forward to it, but i don't like hearing some shit about ethics and motivation. i took a course for ethics during 3rd year, and passed with flying colours (who doesn't? it's bonus course, never read anything also got >80) and i honestly think my behaviour is good, haven't kill anyone. Motivation? god if i aint motivated i'd be in paddington now. But whatevs, they provide free food. and i have a decent noise-cancelling earphone.

ah speaking about earphones...huuuuuu my beloved headphone has gone bonkers, only one side is functioning, THANK YOU SO MUCH SENN FOR YOUR STRAIGHT CABLE AAAAAAAAAAAARRGHH. so i bought a new one, after a sleepless night hunting for a decent headphone with decent price that will ship to Jordan, almost a month ago. Well, that's emergency, because i can't live without my headphone, and my brother is not where he can help. And guess what, a month and my new headphone is still not arrived. I wanted to regret why i chose the cheapest shipping option, but considering the other options are far more expensive than the headphone itself, i calmed down, and keep on waiting. in tears. headphone, safe journey, mama's waiting :(.

ok serious business. SPM 2011. perubatan timur tengah. medic middle east. perubatan jordan. medic jordan.  biasiswa. scholarship. mara. jpa. (all the key words i can think of)

The result was out and i hope government won't be too stupid to send new medical students, here or anywhere in the world. I'll graduate next year and i worry so much whether i can practise in my own country of not, the doctors glut is a serious problem. And that gets worse with time. And it's possible for medical graduate to become jobless. But that's not really my worry, it's their own shit. why i hate new medical students? oh i only hate new medical students here, i don't really give a damn about others. because, that means more competitors for buses, which means if i get out late, i'll be in deep shit with doctors. late here is not 'late' late, it's still early for previous me. irbid can't afford this sudden increase of malaysian scholars. buses can't afford it too. traffic jams become more frequent, and bad people become more daring because we malaysian are usually easy targets, traders will cheat and raise the price more because malaysian scholars have enough money to still buy it. man i hate all of these. and more, do you know how JUST benefits so much from us malaysian students? that means more money for them, and jordanian government indirectly and I HATE THAT SO MUCH. Jordan is a country i plan to erase from my memory, and from the world map if i could, and the ever increasing malaysian population here doesn't help my mission. 

one must wonder why i hate jordan so much, and before people might start assuming various reasons why, let me explain myself first. well, nothing really bad (really bad means rape, sexual harassment, rob, flasher, stab kinda stuff) happen to me yet, alhamdulillah, but those bad things happen to some people i know and it scares me. then, i hate people here, who cheats so much, and calling us names, looking at us as if we're from freak circus, throwing things at us. i hate how it's so hard to get decent things (clothes-to get decent one need to go to amman, headphones, bags, glasses) here. It might sound like minor things, and people may think i'm just spoiled brat who can't stand any hardship, but try living with that minor bad things every single day for 6 years. there are good things here too, but since bad things are more prominent and i encounter it on daily basis, it takes some effort to memorize the good things. some malaysian like it here though, makes me wonder how their lives are in Malaysia to prefer living here. 

i really hope some spm leavers who plan to apply for middle east medicine and dentistry read this and cancel their intentions. in fact, why bother taking medicine at all? during my time, people take medicine because of the guaranteed job delusion. now that delusion has come to light, i wonder why people still want to take medicine. if you want money, go for acca and actuarial science (if your dad owns a business go for business admin.). if you want to look cool go for architecture. if you want respect go for law and religious studies (religious studies graduate are so menantu pilihan now). if you want to secure a job go for it-related course, that bubble isn't gonna pop soon, it keeps growing. this is my sincere advice to you, spm 2011 leavers. unless you really like it so much that you'll go mad if you couldn't study it, and you are brilliant enough, then don't. if your parents are stone-headed and will send you to do medicine no matter what, first, try reasoning with them. well i know fully well that wouldn't work. 2nd, try to fail your entrance exam on purpose. you'll suffer from some short-lived embarrassment, but you'll save yourself from never-ending suffering. ask yourself what do you actually want.  stop the bullshit doctor is a noble job. every job is noble if you work honestly.

if you still want to do medicine, go read dr pagalavan. even after reading that you still want to do medicine, there might be something wrong with you, or more unlikely, you must be truly interested. good luck in getting job, in 2017.

pre-quarter life crisis

Finally it's weekend, and i did my routine of updating with close people just now. And for once, i discussed about what i want to do in the future, just for the sake of conversing. And it feels serious, somehow. It scares me. The future in medical field in Malaysia is not so promising, from what i've heard from the taikos. And the fact that i'll graduate from Jordan is not helping either. Not saying my school is inferior, in fact i really think JUST medschool is good and i'm proud to be a student here, doctors mostly are excellent and helpful, but it lacks the recognition i probably need in the future.

Talked and talked and talked, i can't help but blaming stupid authorities for whatever hell's gonna happen in near future. Not gonna write it here, but if you stranger people are interested, you can read dr pagal's blog. He analysed it thoroughly and detailed it in his blog, it's grim i tell you.

But you know who's the stupidest of all? yours truly. Why only these recent years i discovered these facts? Gosh. No regrets though, i'll be responsible for my own mistake. Plus, it's not like i can escape from this mistake in the first place, dad's head's harder than diamond. And after 5 years, i think i can survive doing medicine, and there are things i'm interested to, though i can kiss my relaxing 10 hours-daily sleep goodbye some time soon if the plan takes place.

But whatevs. Tomorrow's things worry tomorrow la. 

So today's things. Well, i'm in ENT rotation now and man i hate the material. I hate everything that has to do with  

this.

The round is nice and relaxing, we start at 10am and finish at 11am haha. Some hardworking people start at 9.30, and some less lucky ones (which will be me next week) start at 9. This is my 3rd minor rotation, preceded by Ophthalmology which was nice, liked it, and Dermatology which was also nice, loved it. Exams? I passed yay! Though for ophthal i still don't know the mark but doctor gave the answer right away after we finished submitting our paper and i'm sure i'll pass unless doctors hate me so much and give 0 for my evaluation, which is impossible since i'm a normal trouble-free student with nerd face (my face alone can score good evaluation mark because it looks so nerdy and i carry a bag with me all the time). Oh, remember the damned family med? I passed too yay, but that's gotta be my lowest mark ever, second only to disastrous paeds. But I don't care, i just know that i passed haha. Bad side is, i'm still traumatized by doctors there, which means no markas sihhi hogging this year.

I can't wait to go home..it's 3 months away but relativity made it feels like forever. 

*******

Remember when i talked about 1care? 've been meaning to write this earlier, but..so here's the slides about its draft plan.They want to implement family medicine concept in Malaysia. It's very good generally, i spent a month studying that stuff and it makes everyone's life easier. the doctors, the patients, and the specialists. given that we have excellent family medicine-trained doctors la, not ones that every disease pun prescribe analgesics, antibiotics. the other stuff from the slides is outside my knowledge/experience so don't know. I wish the slides could detail more on individual plan, though it's totally not needed for the sake of the presentation. But i know 1 thing, this 1care is not a good thing. can foresee every things pun got political interference, cronyism, dishonesty, because of the increase procedures, family doctors, pharmacists. or maybe i'm just a paranoid.

ps: new look! because i read a blog about a husband who's married to a doctor ( the link went viral on my fb newsfeed!) and he made me miserable and his blog uses my previous layout. Whenever i see that layout, i feel miserable so i changed mine. Blue = i'm singing my blues~

See the Bedouin fires at night...

It's a beautiful day indeed!

I finally told my dad what's been bothering me nowadays. Apart from chaotic world (Syrian massacre, increased electricity tariff, 1care, flood of doctors by the time i graduate, living among mentally-ill with high libido people-that's a-whole-nother story it deserves its own post) i fell crazily in love with tpf 201. I've been dreaming about it consistently at least twice weekly, and i've been reading threads in xda and lyn to the point i'm sure i can get 100% if that's my exam qs this thursday.

So i casually told my dad i want a tablet, and daddy said, ok, come home then we'll survey. yuuuuuuuuuuuuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

it's soon, dear love.

btw, i need to be on my dad's good side, and prepare concrete reasons why i need tpf 201 instead of other lowly tablets. less than 4 months, enough time. Hence, immediate plan to get good marks (sooo academic-oriented, typical characteristic of a teacher?) and the quest of cuka kurma. My dad asked me to bring home cuka kurma, which i don't know wth is that, and how he'll use it.

Random #8

1. While i was busy sleeping like a log at home, my housemate went to university and got me the recommendation letter to do elective in june 2012. she had round, though. that letter, was kind of funny and full of lies. Like, pleased to be advised that English is the Language of study at our Faculty <--- i just finished osce for psychiatry yesterday (hence the super prolonged sleep, though it's hardly necessary, i didn't study anything for the exam, unless we count bluntly memorizing the history paper as study) and the osce was in arabic -_-. And they bother to add, Miss (my name)'s English Language is excellent. That's a TT_TT lie, good is enough, why excellent??  not flattered at all, macam kene sindir gitu.

Also this, her relationships with faculty members, colleague students, and administrators at the teaching hospitals and most importantly with the patients are excellent. <-- while i'm fairly nice with patients and colleagues, and never have trouble with the teaching doctors (the relationship is almost non-existent), i do have few episodes of war with some stuff, mainly nurses and admin. just yesterday i knocked a super annoying nurse's super annoying son in his head, and i stared an old man with full intention to blow up his brain because he's annoying too, before i discovered his nametag and read it. rais kisim (head of department). couldn't read what department though. i just hope not one i have to deal with soon. that's only yesterday's matter. counting all the wars since 5 years ago...nothing near good i tell you, let alone excellent.

Btw, i'm sure no one reads the letter thoroughly, and all those texts are template default, but still' it's pretty interesting. and funny.

2. as the aforementioned before, i had osce yesterday, denoting the end of psychiatry. the moment of freedom. it's good! the osce was easy, compared to other rotation since all i have to do is just memorize a paper. whatever the condition is, the questions are the same. but the bad side is, it's in arabic and they use real patient. since i'm so bad in arabic, i think i screwed up a bit, but meh i don't care. i got the best psychiatry dr, dr wael as my examiner and he helped me translating. i tried my best though, asking patient in arabic, and made sure the patient understand me by "charading". i think dr wael pitied me for trying so hard to be understood or the patient trying so hard to understand or both, so he translated few qs. the second station, hmm..i had to access the patient's delusion and she's an old woman. hard to be understood..when dr asked me what's her delusion, i told the dr i don't really understand what's her problem. i even had the gut asking him, "dr, what's delusion in arabic?" -___- . dr pitied me jugak kot, so he changed the q, asking me what are delusion types? easy peasy. though i'm pretty sure the mark won't be so pretty, but again, i don't care as long as i pass it.

3. also, again, as the aforementioned, i'm coming home this June yay!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! this time, it's like 2.5 months, that's like a lifetime of holiday since i became a medical student. but, as a medical student,this time i have to visit hospitals for at least 6 weeks. hmmm.but i'm so excited since i can speak malay, take history in malay, eat properly, and the best part is, i can escape summer in Jordan!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! honestly, i chose to do my elective in June because of the summer, and i've planned it since i knew we need to do 2 months of elective. 2nd year kot. summer in Jordan = hell on earth, headache, high temperature, nosebleed, fatigue even when all i did was resting all the time, blackouts, no water, mosquitos and bugs sume keluar from hiding, and people crankiness, including yours truly. besides, it's nice to know how malaysian health care system is beforehand, so i can plan out my future and know what to focus for the rest of the final year. i still don't know which hospitals to choose, since parit buntar is so kampung there's no big fancy hospital there though.

4. you know the turun bendera case? so funny how people eagerly fighting about it. trolls. i'm not taking side, because i don't know the actual situation nor i understand the symbolism of turun bendera itself. besides, i don't like symbolism. be frank. act out. talk loud. but the other side whose taking the symbolism far more seriously, is far more troll. turun bendera tak mati pun. like when our neighbour country burnt our flags. ade kite merana? ade? ade? it's too emotional, and that's pathetic. btw, i have to admit these symbolisms raise awareness and spread messages. i think for the doer side, those are enough. and applause to the doer side for explaining their act superbly and very calm and professional, still not acknowledging the act itself though, since again, logic mind here still don't absorb it. turun bendera= losing trust? how? and how your act affecting the current government? but i get the message. and the trolls from opposing side, seriously? you are just disgracing your own party with those stupid act. to win the vote, you should hire more handsome and well-built smooth-talker gentlemen, to retaliate in a superior classy way. even if your point is weaker, at least you can secure votes from some brainless girls. and also, human-face flags? so uncool. i accept banners for advertisement with human faces, but flags at official event?? and 1 big face per flag at that really? if it were me i'd bring ALL those flags down, not only najib's one.

5. i fall in love with things. i can't get them out of my head since the first moment i saw them, i keep thinking about them like an obsession, i smile when i see them. i'm not a shopaholic, i know i need them. those things = transformer prime (lucky you americans!), a grey pant i saw in Amman ( i went to Amman a lot lately, and i made time to eye that pant every time i'm in Amman, i'll buy the next time i see it to end this misery), handbags (just need one of them, but i can't choose so still not buying:(( ), a new phone case i saw on ebay, red seat leon ( i went to spain and saw oceans of these and pitying myself for not able to get one of that). i think about them so much they even entered my dreams a lot. too bad i don't think i can get the car...i can't buy a car here, and in malaysia, the rake-off price of imported car is unacceptable and since it's not popular there, the spare part must be pretty scarce. i'm not sure if seat leon is even available in malaysia yet.

real geek

I read about srinivasa ramanujan (finally!) on wiki, and ironically my biggest concern was his poor health and the cause of his death, amoebiasis. Well, not a shock, for mr ramanujan, since he came from the endemic country. But i must say his early demise is a great loss to the world. Health care must have been a luxury rather than necessity back then. Poor guy, poor the world. He also suffered from tb, and severe vitamin deficiency. 

Looking forward for movie adapting from his biography next year :)

Bloody amateurs

I'm so mad with some people this morning, and sadly those people were juniors. I did my routine, though a lil bit earlier than usual, hustled for bus. BUT. But there were some juniors kept chatting in front of buses' doors, and blocking my way. If they were native people, i wouldn't hesitate to push them away aggrassively, but since they were my juniors, i restrained myself, thinking they would have the same Malaysian principle which is do not stall in front of buses's doors, and to show some respect to fellow Malaysians. So i waited.  Those juniors kept chatting, and the 1st bus was filled. Then 2nd bus. They did the same, (at this time, i started cursing them profusely in my heart, yo monkeys, either jostled for seats or move!) and the bus was filled too, WITHOUT me in it. And that went on for the 3rd bus too.

And that was my limit. I grabbed a cab to school today, because i had to catch another bus to go to Mafraq Hospital (about 40min-1 hour journey).

I generally don't have problems with juniors, no matter what they've done. Most of my friends kept complaining how juniors disrespecting them, by not replying their smiles and some of them even turned the blind eyes when my friends tried to be friendly and greet them. I seriously don't have problems with that, in a good way or another. I mean, they can die if they want, they can enjoy if they want, i still don't care. if they ask for my help, i'll help them if i can. If they don't need me and don't even want to know me, it's ok, i understand, it's not their business or mine. I just don't care, and my view on juniors is neutral. I don't hate them, i don't like them.

But not until this morning. I just hate those juniors, who block my way, whose none of them i know. I have a record of almost 100% success rate of getting on the first bus i lay my eyes on, but bloody bus amateurs just ruined my strike. I'll never be lenient again on Malaysian juniors.

ps: remember when i said i want to open a hello kitty cafe? sadly i'm not the first one in this world to think like that, someone has already opened a hello kitty cafe in taiwan. dream wish: open/own the first hello kitty cafe in Malaysia.

I-what up

I got this video link from my friend yesterday, and i immediately drafted it, something i never did before. I saved the link as a blog draft because i think this video is worth sharing, about the modern age slavery, at Foxconn, the company which supply some components of Ipad. Remember the explosion that caused delay of Ipad distribution, which i used to think it's a rumor to cover Apple's ass? Well, it was right, there was an explosion in Chengdu, and there were some casualties. Maybe not news to some, but it's new to me. 

ok, that's an intro. And the video discovery is just adding salt to the wound, more the reasons why i hate jobs and jobs-related products.

Ironically when i went to school today, my friend said, hey did u know jobs is dead? And i was, like, seriously??

He's dead just before i wrote my hate entry for him. He lived quite a life though, and for him to survive until today is already an achievement, he got pancreatic cancer since my high-school year, i don't remember the exact figure, but the prognosis is grim, 5-year survival is less than 10%. ok i made that up, but it's around that, imo. So do i still hate him after he's dead? Of course yes, death doesn't buy sympathy. But I do not deny, he's one great man in term of achievement, creative, visionary, with midas-like touch.

back to the main issue, the video. there are parts of me thinking tho, maybe all the companies pun sama je, but this company is the largest one and mistakes are harder to be covered.. And it scares me, made me feel guilty if all these technology came from the blood and slavery at this age. so blood diamond-ish. ahh lost focus, i wanna write about all my hatred to apple (foxconn) and this slavery thing,but i just wrote this crap. Sooo cannot be a lawyer one.

btw, with this news someone get his mean wish, but i'm sure he's also not happy with it, now that he'll never get to avenge himself.

Singawhat?

After hours of researching, i finally decided to settle for another creative, and i ordered it from us since the price is cheaper. You know what's shocking? my friend/messenger told me creative is based from singapore, and singapore is nearer so the price of my item should be cheaper than the ones in us. and the one i'm buying is made in china, not made in us, so manufacturing cost is about the same for both countries (us and malaysia). hmmm..we both economically-challenged anyway so we decided to just follow the flow and stop enquiring why its cheaper in us despite toke and sarang creative is in singapore.

Feeble attempt of...

HELLO KITTY

ANGRY BIRD

They look bad, but hey, that was my first attempt of baking cookies since birth. By the time i succeed in making a perfect hello kitty-shaped cookies, i'll open a hello kitty bakery, i'll apply the license from sanrio. That bakery will be filled with hello kitty cookies, hello kitty bun, hello kitty bread, hello kitty macaron, hello kitty jelly, hello kitty cake, hello kitty muffin, hello kitty pudding.

And yes, they taste superb despite the "barely there" shape. Even my dad the cookies anti-fan glutted lots of them. They taste like the real danish cookies, except mine is confirmed halal and clean, if not sterile.

ps: i did bake the standard shape ones, but there's no way i'll show it to the world. They are too perfect tv baking programmes might scout me to be their hosts, no kidding.

Blissful moment...

I want to write about lots of things, serious and casual, medical and life, new discoveries, reviews, but i'm in bliss now and writing those things seems like a waste of this limited blissful moments. So, i'll list here what i want to write, so that when the lonesome time come, i'll just log on my blogger account and start writing. Lonesome time= after raya, every weekdays 7-2 roughly. Will be too sad and too lonely being home alone at that time i don't wanna think about it yet.

The things.
-reviews--> hadalabo, movies, malaysian tv program, param, 4th year in general, books, android,
-medical-->attachment plan, lasik, my study, allergic
-life--> family affair on how my sister is cool!, super stupid students my parents told me who are super stupid they amuse my parents instead of anger them
-serious-->stupid malaysian, stupid system in malaysia, the attention-whore in tv3 everyday must ada her big face though who the hell she thinks she is, the never-ending cat-and-dog-chase insanely disgusting case, women affairs,
-new discoveries-->crazy soda! (hahahahahahhahaha), how to mati stamp, flyover  making

Btw, as if i'm that rajin to write..but who knows right, boredom+loneliness= end up doing things i don't usually like to do. like basuh jamban and vacuum rumah. But i plan to sleep a lot, to store sleep because i plan to study seriously next year. Store some sleep, as in camel stores water in its hump to prepare for the long journey.

In the mean time, i'm this. Comfortable doing things i like to do, and at peace.

Cold in summer

Funny how i catch cold easier in summer, rather than winter. Well, i don't know if it's cold or not for sure, but super runny nose (i wanted to show how my bin is filled with nasal secretions-covered tissue, but eurgh it's too disgusting), super heavy head and headache, watery eyes, sore throat, endless sneezing, and hot body temp. According to my shallow medical knowledge, it's common cold. Summer is depressing and notoriously hot, i can't wait to fly home soon. I put myself in bedrest the whole day, and wondering how good must it be if i were home now, with my sister who has nothing to do at home attending me.

Btw, the good thing is, it's the easiest summer sem ever, and i can skip classes as much as i want. Thank god i passed my previous rotations with diving colours (as opposite to flying colours), but enough to make it to 5th year, unless i fail my summer course and become the legend because no one fails 4th year summer course.

The picture: i can spent hours watching that view, planes take off. It's magic-like but still within possible. It's in the morning, when it's the busiest. Planes queuing up, adjusting their positions, then accelerating, then gradually lift their noses and finally taking off one by one. KLIA and LCCT share the runways, so from the viewing hall in KLIA, we can see so many of them, like one disciplined herd of birds. And yes, the red AA is far more eye-catching than the dull white MAS. If i am in one of them, i love to see how the wings change, their angle, then the whatever thing that open and close as if to resist or take control of wind or whatever it did. This is so serene, i find this much much more peaceful and calming than spending time in waterfall or jungle or other greenery and worrying to death about how the animals living there will attack me. OCD much...

Paeds sucks too much help me!

Now i have 2 reports to be done, and it's loooong! gah, to think how hard i have to work just to secure 4/5 marks. Remember the time i have to sacrifice for surgery rotation? not much, and the interview was awesome, we even laughed together, the doctors and us. and it was like 7 marks. kejadahan sungguh pediatric ini.

btw, i read this blog, she's a med student as well, also in paeds rotation in indonesia. she whined because the doctors there don't teach much. all she did was the nurses job, clerking, taking vital sign etc etc. after that, i just realise there are way too many things i take for granted. here, the doctors teach us too much we have to beg for them to stop, especially in my university's hospital.

still my uni sucks too. i'm thinking of something terrible i'm afraid i might actually do it. big talk big talk big talk much. like i have the gut to.

i'm a suck med student too, suit my suck uni. lazy much and my attitude sucks, i dont have patience while taking history. i realise this during this rotation, when we asked the mother, is it normal for your baby to be like that (that= like distended abdomen, crying during poo/pee, close eye to light etc etc) and they responded like, of course it's normal you dont know? stupid much?
well of course i don't know i never pet anything,  let alone babies. though my brother said i might pet hantu raya because i eat more than average person. the last time i took care of baby was more than a decade ago, of my sister. and my great mum was great, looking after lil la means look if she cried or not.and where she slept, beware so she won't fall down from bed. played with her if i wanted to. and if the house was too silent, pinch her. that's it. and i lost count how many times i prayed for her to grow up faster, because i simply can't stand having a tender tiny clueless innocent creature in my house. it's somehow, not fun. especially when they are npt potty-trained yet. and i think allah heard me, lil la developed faster than average, now that i know the developmental assessment. or maybe she's simply post-term.

wah, i actually just want to whine a bit, don't know i could digress this much. point is, i hate paeds. i miss the elders! put me in a paeds ward for 24 hours, my batch might study me next year in psychiatry.

Fake chicken egg?

Yeah, it's lame and an insult to all chicken in this world. They aren't barren! I thought the making of fake chicken egg is complicated and expensive, but it turned out otherwise. That's why China produce them, because it's cheap. And stupid Malaysia, as usual, will just import whatever cheap. You know, like stupid cheapskate, buy cheap things with no consideration on the quality.

It even made its own headline in Malaysiakini. It means that, fake chicken egg issue is as serious as those politicians. Ah no la, i kid. Of course fake chicken egg is more serious than the latter. I'll be really sad if some people i love are harmed by those eggs.

So now people, let's get back to the 90's, when we bought eggs covered with chicken shit. It was disgusting, and we had to scrub those eggs for them to be completely clean. But for now, i think that is the best and easiest way to spot 'original' chicken egg. I dont think the fake chicken egg manufacturer is diligent enough to even fake chicken shit to cover those eggs. But still, nothing is impossible. They may collect those shits from chicken farm and spread it all over the shell.

This is how the world works now. Maybe in the future, people might have to pay for oxygen as well.

ps: i wonder how people stay watching 127 hours. i watched it, after recommendation from some friends, forward here and there, and finished in about 15 minutes. it's about a stupid who thinks he is cool enough, trapped his right hand while canyoneering alone. i'm sorry, but there is thin line between stupid and  cool extreme sport fan. bmx biking is cool, tsuiso is cool, drifter is cool, mat rempit is stupid-must-die and everyone curse them to die, an after watching 127, canyoneering is stupid, it doesnt matter if he die or not. life is precious if one want to die that much, one should die in honourable and heroic way, like those volunteers at fukushima nuc plant, or those paramedic at wars. for the sake of watching movies, there are far lot of other good movies. recently i watched chocolate, a thai movie, about an autistic girl, who is a martial art whiz. it was really a good movie, and the fights were neat and logical.

ps2: come to think of it, is it even true? this whole fake egg thing. unbelievable!

Uprising

It's getting pretty serious out there, the uprising of the people who feel oppressed. I think it's kinda fruitful, the ones in Tunisia and Egypt, not follow the news obsessively nowadays. And, what worries me is the wave doesnt seem to stop. There are protesters in almost every country in MidEast, in Libya, Yaman, Bahrain, and this "beloved" Jordan. And the timing is kinda weird too, it's winter, people are supposed to curl in their blanket, or seat lazily and cosily with their families in home. Winter is homey, right? i mean, demonstration in summer would be more understandable, the long day, no rain, and the summer heat, which by itself, is irritable. hah, time summer rituh bulan pose, tau pulak duk diam kat rumah. <--point of this statement is, as far as i concern, the reasons why they are protesting here have been lingering around for quite a while, so why now? why not earlier, while lots of malaysians and other foreigners are outside? freedom, food prices, nothing has really changed since last summer. 

I am the outsider here, i dont really know what's going on in this country, i dont really know why they are protesting. yes, people are demonstrating here, mostly being in Amman, 2-hours drive from my home so i'm basically safe, for now. they do it on weekly basis, after jumaat prayer, since last month. or maybe earlier, but i first noticed (ayat amik history ulcer) it after i finished internal med (saiko!) rotation, which is a month ago.

i'm not against the protester, because i cant put myself in their shoes, i dont know what they're going through. and i'm not supporting them too. because, demonstration is annoying, right? bad traffic, noises, crowds, crippled economy, blablabla. poor the elders and the babies.

you know, instead of demonstrating, i really think plotting an assasination are way better, for the citizen. like seriously. pity this poor innocent citizen please. assasin= getting rid of the bad eggs silently, peacefully, maybe cheaper. go ninja assasin. though, of course, the political impact (or what do they call it actually? the ideology? inception? ok stop merepek) are microscopical, like public dont really know what's going on, they dont even realise the bad eggs are bad eggs. and the bad eggs are mourned. and with the unmoving public, the nation will never improve, with no respect to whom the leader is.

ok, stop rambling. i have interview (7 marks people! i really really really really really need them!!!!!!!!!) next mondaiii, and i'm like brain-less now, and i'm so pissed the way people here celebrating everything, from passing tawjihi (tawjihi=spm) to marriage to elections. if i were not busy studying i'd slip into their party and cut any wires i can find during the celebration. but looking from the bright side, if they celebrate with western or japanese music, i'd be tingling to join them, and it would piss me too. ahh human never satisfy. point of this entry is, i hope the balance of peace in my place, and Amman is maintained, until i finish my study here. at least. of course i want it to be forever, but i prioritize myself hence the previous statement. yes, selfish starfish crayfish, mind yourself.

last, pray for my success in this coming interview and mini osce and osce for surgery rotation bliz. i'll handle you with care in return, hoho. 

OT here is like a kitchen

I unexpectedly got the chance to watch a surgery today wooottttt *partay*. It's a surgery to remove thyroglossal cyst (sistrunk procedure) in a baby (shame i dont know the age. i'm not sure his/her gender too, even.). actually, it's not my turn. Mine was for inguinal hernia in a baby, but there's miscommunication between the nurse and the expected students so.. Well, drama asides, tomorrow i will apologize to my groupmates, though they are not angry huhu.

Summary of the surgery procedure. Not reliable, my memory is sometimes comparable to dory in finding nemo.
1. Transverse cut on the skin.
* There were two small veins beside the cyst, dr cauterized them to prevent bleeding

2. Transverse cut on the platysma.

3. Longitudinal cut of the deep cervical fascia.

4. Yeah, in contact with the cyst. Excised it, it's about  1-2 cm length and width, with whitish content.

5. Dr here, accidentally released his scissor (is that the name of that tool?) and lost the tract that he should excise. So, he found it again after some jabbing around, with level 2 difficulty. i made that level, not valid. but it's difficult, dr said.

-this was written two days ago. suddenly chatted my few friends and got too lazy to complete this one.

6. Excised the tract. He should excise the hyoid bone too, but this kid's hyoid bone was abnormally far from the incision. So, dr only excised the tract and the edge of hyoid bone he can see. hyoid bone is excised to prevent recurrence. Here, he should make another incision to excise the hyoid bone, but it's better after the recovery of the current incision. And dr said, it's not necessary, if there is no complain.

7. Yay. Excision completed. Cauterized and sutured the wound, 1st from the inside, suturing the fascia.

8. Sutured the wound at skin level, at dermal-epidermal junction. Dr's words, i dont know how he saw the junction, i thought we can only see it under microscope.

And the surgery room, was like a kitchen seriously. The only sterile ones are doctor and his assistant nurse. I was only clean, not sterile. No scrubbing involved. Seriously the room was shabby, nothing like i've seen on tv. i used to watch some surgery vtr when i was small, and that room was nothing like i've seen. To enter the room, i wore something like jubah seluar, tudung bibik, and face mask. and shoe cover. and the other assistants were annoying. They answered phone call in surgery room, tho it's from the dr's phone. but seriously, it could wait.

Ok, now dreading for a month round in the most horror hospital. I want to make myself invisible!!

other random notes;
1- To those who watched the social network, isnt mark zuck one of biggest shitlike jerkface alive on earth?

2- Cuba lagi by malique and lah ahmad. tho it's nothing near linkin park, but it's nice mainly because of lah. if linkin park is 10, cuba lagi can reach 5-6. great record for malay song. maybe malay language is hard to be sung. cuba lagi, malique and lah!

3-in this month only, there are two big revolution that shocked the world tho the one in egypt is anticipated. it worked quite well in Tunisia, bravo tunisian. in Egypt, still no result, but keep protesting egyptians. I pray from afar. in Malaysia, when? The last time revolution in malaysia, the one while i was there (in malaysia, not in the revolution) was after anwar dethroned. the one where people kept shouting revolusi, revolusi. what happened after that? absolute nothing. still apes who speak trash head the nation, majoritily. i heard of  few revolution after that, like bersih, but again, what's the result?

4. Does malaysia participate in 2011 asian cup? they did, right? and got kicked in the qualifying round, right? isnt that pathetic, ever? jordan, with veryyyyyyy few football field pun qualified into quater final. i live in irbid, jordan, the second biggest city in jordan. and there are only 3 football field i know here, in my uni, in yarmouk uni, and in the stadium. only that. in malaysia, i live in parit buntar, a very small city. and there are maaaany football fields, in housing area, primary schools, high schools, usm, municipal field etc etc. still, malaysian team still suck more than jordan team. pffffffffffffffffffffffttttt. because i was too ashame of my own country, i told my arab friends that malaysia doesnt participate in asian cup. white lie. to malaysian  football team, if you keep this rate, my grandchildren can have their own grandchildren and my grandchildren's grandchildren still couldnt even dream of malaysia playing in world cup. i'm not a football fan, but this is about dignity. football is very universal, and it would help to boost one self-esteem if one country does well in football tournaments.  btw, malaysian athletes are too spoiled, and they dont even perform that well to the degree they are paid. like in hockey. indian team didnt get paid for two years, they have to have other full-time job to keep living, yet, they still can beat the pampered, 6-star-hotel-level malaysian team. pfffffffffffffffffffffffftttttttttttttttttttt again.