The End #1

Alhamdulillah, I've graduated :)

It's late and everyone who reads this blog probably already knew, but i just need to write for the sake of completion of the quagmire hehe. I finished my last exam (oral Surgery, which scared me shitless, will write more in special final chapter, that is if i'm not lazy la) on 22/5/13, and i got my result the next day. I was among the very first students to see the result due to my ridiculously awesome survival skill.

That day, instead of feeling on top of the world, i just felt relieved, and that's it. 1 of my strongest motivation all these years, and specifically during the great final period was, once is enough, and again, alhamdulillah :)
It didn't kick in that i've graduated, until i have to fill some forms/update some information, i realized that i was no longer a student. Yet, it's not a happy feeling. It's heavy, feeling burdened which almost sent me direct into depression. Satisfaction? Not really. I tried my very best of course, studied the hardest i could in my entire life, but i did that not under my own will. I felt forced, and i had to do that because it was my responsibility.

Don't get me wrong. I still won't waive and change my path. I'm actually excited to enter the work field, meeting patients and treat them. That gives me satisfaction, helping people in need. (I sound saint right hahahahaha i told you people i'm baik!!). It's just, studying for final didn't feel the same and i was studying things i didn't (probably still don't) really like. But it's all in the past now so..

But one thing. I'm proud of myself :)

And i do think i deserve to. For those of you who know my whole story, i really do, right? To kill the past me and rise anew as almost completely different character was hard. I learnt a lot these past 6 years, to bow my head, to always smile, accept that i no longer the center of the universe, accept that i do not know a thing and have to ask, to socialize. I learnt a lot about myself, and accept my flaws and limits. I learnt a-whole-lot about people, and i accept that people will not care about you, people only care about themselves and that's fine. Ideally, if everyone only cares about themselves and threads carefully in every situations, tiptoes slowly and gracefully on narrow bridges, no one will get hurt, right? In that situation, those who do get hurt (the weak and the stupid) only have themselves to blame, and it's fair for everyone. Survival of the fittest, the rule of the nature. But of course, that's not how the real world is. I let go of things very dearly to me, tried to embrace things i once hated (which progressing slowly, but positively :) :).. ).

If i were to comment anything about my path to MBBS per se, it's not hard. Definitely not easy, but not hard.  Always, i barely studied and i passed, alhamdulillah. I guess i can say that's hidden blessing from Allah. My parents, especially my dad, prayed all the time for my study. I have trouble learning new languages so despite the 6 years living here, i still don't understand Arabic and the rounds didn't benefit me as much as i hoped, but i scraped through alive. My weak memory didn't help either. When i said weak, i mean really weak, as in when i read a long sentence in the textbook, by the 5th line i have to reread because i forget the point earlier. I can understand things easily (well it's not that hard) but in balance, i forget things easily too. But alhamdulillah, most of the times i always got nice examiners so..Even when i got the established malignant doctors as my examiners, they strangely were nice to me. Probably because they pitied me kot..

Anyway, it was a wonderful journey, filled with exhilarating ups and dejected downs. I sincerely thank everyone i've met in this journey and may Allah bless all of you. Sorry for everything.

See the Bedouin fires at night...

It's a beautiful day indeed!

I finally told my dad what's been bothering me nowadays. Apart from chaotic world (Syrian massacre, increased electricity tariff, 1care, flood of doctors by the time i graduate, living among mentally-ill with high libido people-that's a-whole-nother story it deserves its own post) i fell crazily in love with tpf 201. I've been dreaming about it consistently at least twice weekly, and i've been reading threads in xda and lyn to the point i'm sure i can get 100% if that's my exam qs this thursday.

So i casually told my dad i want a tablet, and daddy said, ok, come home then we'll survey. yuuuuuuuuuuuuhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!

it's soon, dear love.

btw, i need to be on my dad's good side, and prepare concrete reasons why i need tpf 201 instead of other lowly tablets. less than 4 months, enough time. Hence, immediate plan to get good marks (sooo academic-oriented, typical characteristic of a teacher?) and the quest of cuka kurma. My dad asked me to bring home cuka kurma, which i don't know wth is that, and how he'll use it.

Feeble attempt of...

HELLO KITTY

ANGRY BIRD

They look bad, but hey, that was my first attempt of baking cookies since birth. By the time i succeed in making a perfect hello kitty-shaped cookies, i'll open a hello kitty bakery, i'll apply the license from sanrio. That bakery will be filled with hello kitty cookies, hello kitty bun, hello kitty bread, hello kitty macaron, hello kitty jelly, hello kitty cake, hello kitty muffin, hello kitty pudding.

And yes, they taste superb despite the "barely there" shape. Even my dad the cookies anti-fan glutted lots of them. They taste like the real danish cookies, except mine is confirmed halal and clean, if not sterile.

ps: i did bake the standard shape ones, but there's no way i'll show it to the world. They are too perfect tv baking programmes might scout me to be their hosts, no kidding.

Blissful moment...

I want to write about lots of things, serious and casual, medical and life, new discoveries, reviews, but i'm in bliss now and writing those things seems like a waste of this limited blissful moments. So, i'll list here what i want to write, so that when the lonesome time come, i'll just log on my blogger account and start writing. Lonesome time= after raya, every weekdays 7-2 roughly. Will be too sad and too lonely being home alone at that time i don't wanna think about it yet.

The things.
-reviews--> hadalabo, movies, malaysian tv program, param, 4th year in general, books, android,
-medical-->attachment plan, lasik, my study, allergic
-life--> family affair on how my sister is cool!, super stupid students my parents told me who are super stupid they amuse my parents instead of anger them
-serious-->stupid malaysian, stupid system in malaysia, the attention-whore in tv3 everyday must ada her big face though who the hell she thinks she is, the never-ending cat-and-dog-chase insanely disgusting case, women affairs,
-new discoveries-->crazy soda! (hahahahahahhahaha), how to mati stamp, flyover  making

Btw, as if i'm that rajin to write..but who knows right, boredom+loneliness= end up doing things i don't usually like to do. like basuh jamban and vacuum rumah. But i plan to sleep a lot, to store sleep because i plan to study seriously next year. Store some sleep, as in camel stores water in its hump to prepare for the long journey.

In the mean time, i'm this. Comfortable doing things i like to do, and at peace.

Life update

Last week has been scarily hectic, i wonder how did i survive unscathed. First of all, i didnt jetlag as last year, well, maybe because my parents got me shop-till-drop feast in malacca. of course i didnt shop much, being money-wise, but i ate really really much. the quantity might worth of 3 months normal diet scale in jordan. malaysia is truly a food paradise, and i'm looking forward this weekend for doli's outing in taiping. fyi, doli is proclaimed by my family as the best restaurant ever for kotiau's category. and of course, i gained weight a lot, and mum keeps reminding me that. i mean, how can she blame me for this while she keeps feeding me like a baby? She wont stop feeding me until i go teary-eyed for being really full.

The hectic life began when i reached home. fulfilled my promise, then went to gelugoq, presenting my work, my opinions, and of course getting another work. work from home, coding this and that for two days, shorten some works (shortcut shortcut!), then went to gelugoq again. had some rough time with the guards or clerks (i dont have degree even, that place is filled with phds, but i got invitation letter and i cant help if i look young and stupid!)
then involved in a discussion and i felt so young and fresh that time, haha. again, those aunties and uncles reminded me to consider my decision, but what's done is done, though i still have time to turn back. then, maybe because they doted me so much (i'm such a baby!) they stop enslaving me with coffee works. and that's why this week, i have much time, even to update my blog. erm, it doesnt sound so hectic here, but trust me it was. maybe i made it hectic because i want to sleep more.

i drove by myself, but still i'm not confident. while i'm in pressure, (yes i did wake up late despite the fact that gelugoq is an hour from home, and penang bridge is an anal in the morning) i can go nought up to 140 in a blink, but in other time, i shiver just to think about it. on normal time, my stomach twitches on only 70. is that bipolar?

but above all, i felt very happy, doing things i like, stucked with things i like, eat what i like, seeing the face of those who love me, and actually feel important. this is how life should be lived, though i dont really meet my friends this time. i want to continue this life forever, and i did wish those drs i've dealt with are medicine dr. too good to be true aaar. i hate the fact that i'll be back to that hellhole next week. true, i got some money, but i dont really fancy the idea of paying mara back for all these 3 years. thats why i'd rather suffer another 3 years, wise for money, and i'll get broad options on how to live my life then.

and, surprise, i dont watch tv! even the in-flight tv. ah, talking about flight, gulf sucks big time! kuwait is much better. gulf- suck foods (mutton and no chicken?? fart!!), suck and few movies, suck passenger (too much stupid kids (around 10-15) who screamed to the top of their lungs while landed), suck management (3 excess people on a long-haul flight), suck airplane (shabby and semi-functional air-conditioner), suck seat (very sempit for flight standard), suck breakfast (only bread thing). and they even do the safety explanation thing MANUALLY!  i mean, come on, i thought all flights went video by 2007, even boat to pangkor got that video back in 2004. but the stewardess are nice, though.