Alhamdulillah, I've graduated :)
It's late and everyone who reads this blog probably already knew, but i just need to write for the sake of completion of the quagmire hehe. I finished my last exam (oral Surgery, which scared me shitless, will write more in special final chapter, that is if i'm not lazy la) on 22/5/13, and i got my result the next day. I was among the very first students to see the result due to my ridiculously awesome survival skill.
That day, instead of feeling on top of the world, i just felt relieved, and that's it. 1 of my strongest motivation all these years, and specifically during the great final period was, once is enough, and again, alhamdulillah :)
It didn't kick in that i've graduated, until i have to fill some forms/update some information, i realized that i was no longer a student. Yet, it's not a happy feeling. It's heavy, feeling burdened which almost sent me direct into depression. Satisfaction? Not really. I tried my very best of course, studied the hardest i could in my entire life, but i did that not under my own will. I felt forced, and i had to do that because it was my responsibility.
Don't get me wrong. I still won't waive and change my path. I'm actually excited to enter the work field, meeting patients and treat them. That gives me satisfaction, helping people in need. (I sound saint right hahahahaha i told you people i'm baik!!). It's just, studying for final didn't feel the same and i was studying things i didn't (probably still don't) really like. But it's all in the past now so..
But one thing. I'm proud of myself :)
And i do think i deserve to. For those of you who know my whole story, i really do, right? To kill the past me and rise anew as almost completely different character was hard. I learnt a lot these past 6 years, to bow my head, to always smile, accept that i no longer the center of the universe, accept that i do not know a thing and have to ask, to socialize. I learnt a lot about myself, and accept my flaws and limits. I learnt a-whole-lot about people, and i accept that people will not care about you, people only care about themselves and that's fine. Ideally, if everyone only cares about themselves and threads carefully in every situations, tiptoes slowly and gracefully on narrow bridges, no one will get hurt, right? In that situation, those who do get hurt (the weak and the stupid) only have themselves to blame, and it's fair for everyone. Survival of the fittest, the rule of the nature. But of course, that's not how the real world is. I let go of things very dearly to me, tried to embrace things i once hated (which progressing slowly, but positively :) :).. ).
If i were to comment anything about my path to MBBS per se, it's not hard. Definitely not easy, but not hard. Always, i barely studied and i passed, alhamdulillah. I guess i can say that's hidden blessing from Allah. My parents, especially my dad, prayed all the time for my study. I have trouble learning new languages so despite the 6 years living here, i still don't understand Arabic and the rounds didn't benefit me as much as i hoped, but i scraped through alive. My weak memory didn't help either. When i said weak, i mean really weak, as in when i read a long sentence in the textbook, by the 5th line i have to reread because i forget the point earlier. I can understand things easily (well it's not that hard) but in balance, i forget things easily too. But alhamdulillah, most of the times i always got nice examiners so..Even when i got the established malignant doctors as my examiners, they strangely were nice to me. Probably because they pitied me kot..
Anyway, it was a wonderful journey, filled with exhilarating ups and dejected downs. I sincerely thank everyone i've met in this journey and may Allah bless all of you. Sorry for everything.
It's late and everyone who reads this blog probably already knew, but i just need to write for the sake of completion of the quagmire hehe. I finished my last exam (oral Surgery, which scared me shitless, will write more in special final chapter, that is if i'm not lazy la) on 22/5/13, and i got my result the next day. I was among the very first students to see the result due to my ridiculously awesome survival skill.
That day, instead of feeling on top of the world, i just felt relieved, and that's it. 1 of my strongest motivation all these years, and specifically during the great final period was, once is enough, and again, alhamdulillah :)
It didn't kick in that i've graduated, until i have to fill some forms/update some information, i realized that i was no longer a student. Yet, it's not a happy feeling. It's heavy, feeling burdened which almost sent me direct into depression. Satisfaction? Not really. I tried my very best of course, studied the hardest i could in my entire life, but i did that not under my own will. I felt forced, and i had to do that because it was my responsibility.
Don't get me wrong. I still won't waive and change my path. I'm actually excited to enter the work field, meeting patients and treat them. That gives me satisfaction, helping people in need. (I sound saint right hahahahaha i told you people i'm baik!!). It's just, studying for final didn't feel the same and i was studying things i didn't (probably still don't) really like. But it's all in the past now so..
But one thing. I'm proud of myself :)
And i do think i deserve to. For those of you who know my whole story, i really do, right? To kill the past me and rise anew as almost completely different character was hard. I learnt a lot these past 6 years, to bow my head, to always smile, accept that i no longer the center of the universe, accept that i do not know a thing and have to ask, to socialize. I learnt a lot about myself, and accept my flaws and limits. I learnt a-whole-lot about people, and i accept that people will not care about you, people only care about themselves and that's fine. Ideally, if everyone only cares about themselves and threads carefully in every situations, tiptoes slowly and gracefully on narrow bridges, no one will get hurt, right? In that situation, those who do get hurt (the weak and the stupid) only have themselves to blame, and it's fair for everyone. Survival of the fittest, the rule of the nature. But of course, that's not how the real world is. I let go of things very dearly to me, tried to embrace things i once hated (which progressing slowly, but positively :) :).. ).
If i were to comment anything about my path to MBBS per se, it's not hard. Definitely not easy, but not hard. Always, i barely studied and i passed, alhamdulillah. I guess i can say that's hidden blessing from Allah. My parents, especially my dad, prayed all the time for my study. I have trouble learning new languages so despite the 6 years living here, i still don't understand Arabic and the rounds didn't benefit me as much as i hoped, but i scraped through alive. My weak memory didn't help either. When i said weak, i mean really weak, as in when i read a long sentence in the textbook, by the 5th line i have to reread because i forget the point earlier. I can understand things easily (well it's not that hard) but in balance, i forget things easily too. But alhamdulillah, most of the times i always got nice examiners so..Even when i got the established malignant doctors as my examiners, they strangely were nice to me. Probably because they pitied me kot..
Anyway, it was a wonderful journey, filled with exhilarating ups and dejected downs. I sincerely thank everyone i've met in this journey and may Allah bless all of you. Sorry for everything.
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