Listing all those things i've done, i feel like i am never serious in my works.duhh~I never told my parents about that, but tonight for the first time ever, i feel guilty. and stupid too. my parents have the thought that i'm striving to death to face the obstacles of studying medicine, and they always advise me to not to overdo it.makan biar cukup,study klu pass je pon abah dah happy sgt.That's part of their says.
In fact, i think i only give my less than 10% of me into medicine.yup. counting how much time i spent on studying than researching about bleach,king of fighters, chess, etc etc the comparison is like heaven and hell.
And not to say, the worst part is, i think i reach the level i feel it's ok to be in my current state. and my usual getaway reason is, it's medicine so what d'ya expect? besides, abah and mama have give the green light to just pass the course. abang, huh, didn't he account you as his sister already?
And yes, comparing my marks now with my biology's marks in my high-school days, it shows great improvement.i still remember vividly when i got 40 something for biology in my first biology exam,mid year exam,form 4.at that time, most of my friends got over 60. and funny, i didn't cry out of despair.seriously it smeared my result slip,but what done is done.i scored perfect 1A for spm biology,it's all thanks to Allah and my beloved cikgu jah.
So the point is, i want to move forward. Be more serious in my life. And go to class earlier.haha.btw,i dunno why,but it's easier now to be late for school,like 7.45 at msk,for i don't have to hustle for bus eventhough it's 7.50 am at msk. and talk about late..
i am late for class everyday.yes i know that. ever since my high-school days. in primary school, i was late too,but i came with mama who was the teacher,so no harm was done.in my high school, this late thing did backfire me.demerit my point,huh,mawas.but still i survived.kelakuan still baik kan.
i am late because i hate waiting for class to start.it's my nature to hate school.and i'm always the first to go out once the class finished.other students, as my obsevation, they spend some time to prepare before classes,gossiping to each other, eating,reading etc etc.but as for me, i'm not like them.i mean, it is better for me to have a good sleep at home or enjoy my breakfast accompanied by movies/bleach than do all that stuffs.that'll explain a lot why they score better.i will change myself,finally when the time comes.haha.
and back to the motion, i want to be more serious in my life.can somebody guide me to the light? like helping me overcome my addict into movies and other wasting-time stuffs 24/7?
1. do you think you're hot?
nope. if i am, i don't need the heater.<--answer like a dumb blonde.
2. upload your favourite picture of you.
i'm having narcolepsy,ok.
3. why do you like that picture?i dunno.just feel like it.<-- another dumb answer.
4. when was the last time you ate pizza?some weeks ago.
5. the last song you listen to.Over by High and Mighty Color.j-pop rocks!
6. what are you doing right now besides this?ym-ing,deafening my ears,and smile.
7. what name would you prefer besides yours?i'm perfectly ok with my name.no other preference.but i do like japanese names.haha.hana maybe.
people or blogs to tag: nil.so i won't answer the rest,ok.
so,this is my long entry.and i'm not stopping here.haha.
now i want to rant rampantly about planning our future.Do you ever plan your future? i did, until now.when i realise i need to be more serious. my friends always ask, what field whould like to specialize? and i answer,duhh,i don't even know if i want to work or not.and they retaliate, what the fish?! or what the waste of government money you are!...hey,by the way,you are just being jealous right,coz you got the 10-years bond signed in your agreement. my say is because,yeah,who knows if someday a filthy rich man asks my hand in marriage, and i agree.so,do i still need to dirt my hand treating patients,which in the meantime, i'm exposing myself into the greater risk of infection.yeah, one may say, you're such a selfish,ungrateful bla bla bla.
here i want to tell you something.before,i planned my future. i want to be an actuary. at that time, i was in f4 and actuarial science isn't famous.i knew it from my brother's friend. besides, i can say that i'm better at math more than anything else.but the turnoff is, it's statistical mathematics.i prefer trigo,and calculus. But still, i stick to my plan. long story shorten, my parents crushed my dream and here i am,pursuing their dream.
maybe i do sound bitter, but that's the truth.truth hurts, but it's true. the mellow venom, no matter how mellow it is, it's venom. i think i can be my parents jewel by being the tip-top, but they don't want a mathematician. they want a doctor. an ordinary doctor is enough. sometimes i do think, my parents are refraining ourselves from being famous.they don't allow us to shine to the brightest.they stopped me from being in ***.they objected my bro when he decided he want to further his study overseas.they(abah) didn't let me attend my i/v.acik was forced to withdraw from her debating team.they got their point somehow.either way, i'm happy,very happy to be their child.they are the best meaning of pure love.
So,i want to plan my future,but i'm afraid of it being crush again.i guess i'll just go with the flow...
---too competitive makes you less competitive---
and now before i stop, i wanna tell you about my new experiment.i will study from now, and let see how my performance in microb and pharma 2nd exams.
oh yeah,not to forget, i wonder how somebody can make your day by just staring...hahahahhaha..budus butul.
and today's movie, catch me if you can.
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