High school
I went to a boarding school, and I got along well with my friends. We stayed in a dorm around 12-18 people/dorm. I was lucky that I always got along well with all my dorm mates all through my 5 years there. Of course there were some riffs amongst us teenage girls but nothing major.
But there was this 1 incident I will never forget. 1 sentence to be exact.
We always teased each other, so the starting of this incident is nothing extraordinary. My friend teased me for being a sleepyhead (she's right) so I teased her back for being a heavy sleeper who'd surely burnt in case of fire if no one carries her (she won't wake up to normal alarm/wake up gesture). It escalated rapidly until she said it. We were laughing all the while, until she uttered it. The sentence that pretty much changes my perspective.
"Muka kau buruk macam monyet."
(Your face is ugly like a monkey)
I was stunned, and she was stunned too. We were joking all this while but it was never about our physical. And that statement ran so deeply to me, as I always thought I was ugly. I grew up with a good looking parents, good looking brother and cute sisters. People always ask why do I look so "different". But I never really bother it. But that statement, uttered by one of my good friends when she was at her relax moments, must contain some truth. I believe her.
Being a cool person I was, i just played along, laughed it off and teased her back. My other friends who heard it, they all scolded her for getting "physical" and she apologised profusely, but it's done. I forgave her, she obviously "slipped", but the damage is done.
Later that day, I looked at the mirror, and I saw I did resemble a monkey. The somewhat round but small eyes with eyebrows far above, the nose, the chubby cheeks (despite me being underweight and literally bones and skins everywhere else), the protruding mouth. I was (still am) ugly.
But I didn't dwell on it. I was a nerd, monkey face is nothing new, nothing destructive. I just have to bear with it. I used to feel sad about it, but I know I could do nothing to change it. I accept my monkey face.
It was about a decade ago.
But I still remember it vividly, verbatim. I still feel everyone on Earth is prettier than me, which is probably a good thing, keep my head down a bit. By believing I am the ugliest person on Earth, I feel like I have to work harder than normal people, because it's a fact that pretty, good looking people always have it easier than let say, monkey face like me. I give no chance to others to focus on my monkey face by trying to be as low profile as I could and not creating troubles (which sadly is always ruined by my temper 🤦🏽♀️) . I also believe everyone who complimented how pretty I am must be a manipulative liar or they need to get their eye checked. And I believe I became unconsciously stronger ironically thanks to my monkey face.
However, there is this twist. I happened to have a feeling to probably the most handsomest (i know it's not right to put most before superlative, but that's how I think how good looking he is) person on Earth. It's been years. I do not think about him everyday, but when I do think about the special significant other, it's him. Honestly, I think it's stupid but tell that to my feeling 🙄, years I tried to shut it off but meh. Normal person would probably try to tell the guy her feeling, because what's the worse could've happen, right? If he's ok then ok good, if he's not then good also a closure move on. But no, this monkey face thinks she does not deserve to have this kind of feeling, so she'll keep it to herself till death. I'll live 🤷🏻♀️
Anyway, if any kids reading this, seriously, careful what you say. My friend was lucky I was quite a sane and kind human *humble brag* but imagine I took it the wrong way, keeping grudge and try to destroy the world? I'd be a Kong creator fueled from a sheer high school comment. Think before you say it, take your time.
I went to a boarding school, and I got along well with my friends. We stayed in a dorm around 12-18 people/dorm. I was lucky that I always got along well with all my dorm mates all through my 5 years there. Of course there were some riffs amongst us teenage girls but nothing major.
But there was this 1 incident I will never forget. 1 sentence to be exact.
We always teased each other, so the starting of this incident is nothing extraordinary. My friend teased me for being a sleepyhead (she's right) so I teased her back for being a heavy sleeper who'd surely burnt in case of fire if no one carries her (she won't wake up to normal alarm/wake up gesture). It escalated rapidly until she said it. We were laughing all the while, until she uttered it. The sentence that pretty much changes my perspective.
"Muka kau buruk macam monyet."
(Your face is ugly like a monkey)
I was stunned, and she was stunned too. We were joking all this while but it was never about our physical. And that statement ran so deeply to me, as I always thought I was ugly. I grew up with a good looking parents, good looking brother and cute sisters. People always ask why do I look so "different". But I never really bother it. But that statement, uttered by one of my good friends when she was at her relax moments, must contain some truth. I believe her.
Being a cool person I was, i just played along, laughed it off and teased her back. My other friends who heard it, they all scolded her for getting "physical" and she apologised profusely, but it's done. I forgave her, she obviously "slipped", but the damage is done.
Later that day, I looked at the mirror, and I saw I did resemble a monkey. The somewhat round but small eyes with eyebrows far above, the nose, the chubby cheeks (despite me being underweight and literally bones and skins everywhere else), the protruding mouth. I was (still am) ugly.
But I didn't dwell on it. I was a nerd, monkey face is nothing new, nothing destructive. I just have to bear with it. I used to feel sad about it, but I know I could do nothing to change it. I accept my monkey face.
It was about a decade ago.
But I still remember it vividly, verbatim. I still feel everyone on Earth is prettier than me, which is probably a good thing, keep my head down a bit. By believing I am the ugliest person on Earth, I feel like I have to work harder than normal people, because it's a fact that pretty, good looking people always have it easier than let say, monkey face like me. I give no chance to others to focus on my monkey face by trying to be as low profile as I could and not creating troubles (which sadly is always ruined by my temper 🤦🏽♀️) . I also believe everyone who complimented how pretty I am must be a manipulative liar or they need to get their eye checked. And I believe I became unconsciously stronger ironically thanks to my monkey face.
However, there is this twist. I happened to have a feeling to probably the most handsomest (i know it's not right to put most before superlative, but that's how I think how good looking he is) person on Earth. It's been years. I do not think about him everyday, but when I do think about the special significant other, it's him. Honestly, I think it's stupid but tell that to my feeling 🙄, years I tried to shut it off but meh. Normal person would probably try to tell the guy her feeling, because what's the worse could've happen, right? If he's ok then ok good, if he's not then good also a closure move on. But no, this monkey face thinks she does not deserve to have this kind of feeling, so she'll keep it to herself till death. I'll live 🤷🏻♀️
Anyway, if any kids reading this, seriously, careful what you say. My friend was lucky I was quite a sane and kind human *humble brag* but imagine I took it the wrong way, keeping grudge and try to destroy the world? I'd be a Kong creator fueled from a sheer high school comment. Think before you say it, take your time.
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