This is Saturday.Yesterday,which is 36 minutes ago,was Friday.Friday is supposed to be my fave day,but not yesterday.still,i love some parts of yesterday.
my screwed yesterday.
woke up for subuh prayer,then continued my crib's call.woke up again, when it's zohor. shit,i missed tafaqquh.performed zohor prayer, and cleared up a mountain of clothes to be laundered.then,take a bath for this week.next,wasted my time on world wide web.after that,i realized that i didn't take any food for this day.and amazed at how resistant i was.ym-ed with those loved ones.abah made me laugh, for his blue-hyppo thing.it supposed to be thirsty hyppo, but he insisted it's blue hyppo.whatever.blue hyppo is cute too,like lil La.
after isya', i was so pumped up to finish my report.and yes,i did finish it.which is my biggest relief of the day.then,wandered around some familiar blogs.until the truths shot me half-dead.
i want to run from this reality.
am i that bad?
will you stand it if someone unexpectedly slammed things in front of your face to show that he/she is angry/uneasy with you?
some will,but i won't.
will you stand it if someone who promise you this and that,let say,like,promise you he will wait for you,but out of the blue,you received rumours saying he's getting married?
some say,it just rumours.but me,i hate it.no rumours stand unfounded.(btw,this is just an example.no one is getting married)
what would you do,if somebody pissed you off,then you are hurt,but you keep it quiet like nothing's going on coz u assumed he/she unintended to do that,but when you did a slightest mistake,which not even you can figure it out what,he/she gets really really mad(i think).and this person then starts to label you this and that.then pulls long face,then asks you again,what did actually happened between you and he/she?duhh,only He knows the gravity of this situation.and what did i do?as usual,keep silent.
why can't people just speak their minds out,clear and loud?
because they afraid they may hurt others.
because they care about their reputation so much.
because they want to be secure.see what happens to balasubramaniam and that doctor.everybody knows.(off topic)
because they are not brave enough to be loud.
because of ISA,AUKU and all.repeated point,they want to be secure.
because they don't want to lose their job.(darn me,it's still security thing)
i tried to put myself on their shoes,try to think why some people have to behave like this?but how can i blame them for behaving that way,because i'm just imagining,thinking how it was to be in their shoes,but it's them who face it.they must have concrete reasons behind their actions.and who knows,how much they were hurt by me,though i'm not intend to hurt them even the tiniest bit.
understanding each other.that's the key.but hell if i know how to understand every types of people.i have my limit too.and they surely have theirs.and not to say,how people can change faster than lightning.yeah,me too.it's all too complicated.(or did i who complicate it?)
so people all over the world, do you have any idea how can i transfer into other university,likely to be in malaysia or uk,like credit-transfer?i know,this sounds damn ridiculous,but who knows if there's a way.(but if there is a way out,my loves ones must have told me that.)
cause i'm getting really down over here.i want my loved ones to be near me,my guardian angels to guard me,my family to be my crying shoulder.
argh,i miss you all.and i truly believe you all miss me too.yup,you included,ayong.cut my fingers off.
and because of that,i promise you all,i'll be back this raya.mark my word.
and because i want to be back home this raya,i have to pass all my exams.so i'll strive no matter how much i get nauseated with this medicine thing.
gear up my geeky mode,good bye emotional days.no breakdowns again.(can i?).and people,you can say i'm this and that, you can say i'm bad, you can say i'm ruthless, you can say i don't walk my talk, you can say i'm snobbish, you can say i'm unfair.you can say anything,but i won't take them into my consideration anymore.even if you don't cry upon my death, i still won't regret it.but please,forgive me all my mistakes,so i can die peacefully.the rest,whether you love me or hate me,i don't care anymore.i love you all,if you care enough to know that.and it's true.
--death is certain,death is unexpected,death is waiting,are you prepared?--
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