still very very happy about getting in :)
This is the best escape I could ever imagine. To others, getting hlp is often to further study, exploring their passion and career advancement. Some are so luxurious they even have the option to reject it (I've met few of them in real life).
For me, it's more. I was (still am, technically for about a month, can't wait). that was my only chance to be in department I'm interested to work in. that was my way to escape. I have nothing to fall back on, i cannot return to my current department. While i am relatively comfortable in this current department, i realise i will never like to study about it, i cannot ever specialise here, i hate doing gruesome cases and getting nightmares/traumatise out of them, i hate the legal work of it (lawyers are notoriously stupid bigots in court, and the biggest talam of all professionals), i hate feeling very uncomfortable in this department just because i am a (single unmarried) woman, i hate smokers. i hate that some days are so free in this department it made me feel like i am one overpaid worker while some days are just total disasters. I am a boring person, i love routine and organized life.
the last time i studied that hard was probably during final exam of the final year. i studied with passion to know and desperation to pass. i had to impress and i figured i had to excel the mcq part to wow them, that was my only chance, my working experience did me no justice at all. that's why when i screwed up the academic questions during interview, i cried. not bawling yet, had to restrain myself but the tears welled up and my voice went weird, you know lumps in throat and stuff.
when i thought i flunked it, all the nightmares from failing part 1 haunted me again. i cried myself to bed for weeks, i had to entertain myself. you know, splurged few thousands on expensive kitchen improvement (and i am very happy afterwards), wasted hundreds on food and cosmetics, i even bought an expensive purple mascara (which some sale assistants at sephora loved and made me feel less guilty buying it). i guess i went through this period better than last time, wise from previous experience, and it really calmed me down, after 3 months i stopped worrying about failing, and started to prepare to try again this year. i calmed down too much i even forgot my hlp account details..
and when I found out i got in, i texted my family first, and they were happy too..of course they would because it meant the end of grumpy me haha. then texted my girls and so happy i finally slept smiling.
but...1 tiny little problem..the 4th year will be in KL and god knows how much i hate KL.I worry about it, i even got nightmares about it. you know, the late to work, the lost my way to final exam and missed it altogether..i told my parents lots of time of how i worry about it..i have a nice house here and i rented out the 2 other rooms to nice tenants, what happen when i go to kl huhuhuhu.. my parents suggested to lock my room and keep on renting out the 2 other rooms, but that would mean i have to fork out money..for now i only pay rm500 for my house (my loan+maintenance+utilities-rents i collected from my tenants)..according to this idea, it would mean RM500+ my rent in KL later, which would easily reach rm1k right to get comfortable house/room as mine.. the other cheaper option would be living with my uncle, but to be honest i might feel uncomfortable..final year should be stressful and i am obnoxiously grumpy when i'm stressed. i keep on ranting how much i worry about this to my parents, until my dad came out with this idea..they will buy a house in KL wtf righttt..he figured he will retire soon and why not live in KL for 1 year? so from living with my uncle, now i probably will have to live with my parents, in KL. sounds good, except again, i never live with my parents since i started working. i never live far from them but i never live with them (sleep at home over the weekend/public holiday is not consider living with them). because i know i am different when i work, my work devours me, when i come home, i want to rest. i do my household chores at the bare mininum of tolerance.my house is not dirty, my laundry is not piling up to a mountain and all appliances are functioning. that's it. parents are parents, they have different threshold of tolerance which my grumpy-from-work me certainly won't be able to fulfill. and my parents won't allow maids/cleaner lady. listing out my options again.
1. rent a place.
pro: freedom as of now.
cons: pricey, will set me back by rm1.5k monthly at least. will probably need to share with strangers i don't like nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
2. stay with uncle
pro: cheaper, in fact i probably won't have to pay anything at all
cons: awkward, have to put up with kids (my cousins' kids when they come visit, which is often), need to adapt to their lifestyle, less freedom
3. stay with my parents if they buy the house
pro: cheap, safe, the comfort of home
cons: it may or may not happen, physically taxing, need to be on my best behaviour at all time haha no more ice-cream or cakes for breakfast, no late night out, no leaving the laundry at the drying rack until i feel like keeping it in the wardrobe, no weird food cooking, no splurge on stuff i don't really need, no spontaneous diving trips. and grumpy me might hurt my parents huhuhuhu so scare of this.
honestly, i prefer option 1 the most. final year is critical,but money is important too..i should start saving/making money to prepare for that 1 year...
anyway i was quite stressed thinking about it for few days so i bought a chair. an arm wing chair with stool, it will be my new study chair, costs me my 1 month oncall and medical reports pay..so much huh for saving money plan.
This is the best escape I could ever imagine. To others, getting hlp is often to further study, exploring their passion and career advancement. Some are so luxurious they even have the option to reject it (I've met few of them in real life).
For me, it's more. I was (still am, technically for about a month, can't wait). that was my only chance to be in department I'm interested to work in. that was my way to escape. I have nothing to fall back on, i cannot return to my current department. While i am relatively comfortable in this current department, i realise i will never like to study about it, i cannot ever specialise here, i hate doing gruesome cases and getting nightmares/traumatise out of them, i hate the legal work of it (lawyers are notoriously stupid bigots in court, and the biggest talam of all professionals), i hate feeling very uncomfortable in this department just because i am a (single unmarried) woman, i hate smokers. i hate that some days are so free in this department it made me feel like i am one overpaid worker while some days are just total disasters. I am a boring person, i love routine and organized life.
the last time i studied that hard was probably during final exam of the final year. i studied with passion to know and desperation to pass. i had to impress and i figured i had to excel the mcq part to wow them, that was my only chance, my working experience did me no justice at all. that's why when i screwed up the academic questions during interview, i cried. not bawling yet, had to restrain myself but the tears welled up and my voice went weird, you know lumps in throat and stuff.
when i thought i flunked it, all the nightmares from failing part 1 haunted me again. i cried myself to bed for weeks, i had to entertain myself. you know, splurged few thousands on expensive kitchen improvement (and i am very happy afterwards), wasted hundreds on food and cosmetics, i even bought an expensive purple mascara (which some sale assistants at sephora loved and made me feel less guilty buying it). i guess i went through this period better than last time, wise from previous experience, and it really calmed me down, after 3 months i stopped worrying about failing, and started to prepare to try again this year. i calmed down too much i even forgot my hlp account details..
and when I found out i got in, i texted my family first, and they were happy too..of course they would because it meant the end of grumpy me haha. then texted my girls and so happy i finally slept smiling.
but...1 tiny little problem..the 4th year will be in KL and god knows how much i hate KL.I worry about it, i even got nightmares about it. you know, the late to work, the lost my way to final exam and missed it altogether..i told my parents lots of time of how i worry about it..i have a nice house here and i rented out the 2 other rooms to nice tenants, what happen when i go to kl huhuhuhu.. my parents suggested to lock my room and keep on renting out the 2 other rooms, but that would mean i have to fork out money..for now i only pay rm500 for my house (my loan+maintenance+utilities-rents i collected from my tenants)..according to this idea, it would mean RM500+ my rent in KL later, which would easily reach rm1k right to get comfortable house/room as mine.. the other cheaper option would be living with my uncle, but to be honest i might feel uncomfortable..final year should be stressful and i am obnoxiously grumpy when i'm stressed. i keep on ranting how much i worry about this to my parents, until my dad came out with this idea..they will buy a house in KL wtf righttt..he figured he will retire soon and why not live in KL for 1 year? so from living with my uncle, now i probably will have to live with my parents, in KL. sounds good, except again, i never live with my parents since i started working. i never live far from them but i never live with them (sleep at home over the weekend/public holiday is not consider living with them). because i know i am different when i work, my work devours me, when i come home, i want to rest. i do my household chores at the bare mininum of tolerance.my house is not dirty, my laundry is not piling up to a mountain and all appliances are functioning. that's it. parents are parents, they have different threshold of tolerance which my grumpy-from-work me certainly won't be able to fulfill. and my parents won't allow maids/cleaner lady. listing out my options again.
1. rent a place.
pro: freedom as of now.
cons: pricey, will set me back by rm1.5k monthly at least. will probably need to share with strangers i don't like nooooooooooooooooooooooooo
2. stay with uncle
pro: cheaper, in fact i probably won't have to pay anything at all
cons: awkward, have to put up with kids (my cousins' kids when they come visit, which is often), need to adapt to their lifestyle, less freedom
3. stay with my parents if they buy the house
pro: cheap, safe, the comfort of home
cons: it may or may not happen, physically taxing, need to be on my best behaviour at all time haha no more ice-cream or cakes for breakfast, no late night out, no leaving the laundry at the drying rack until i feel like keeping it in the wardrobe, no weird food cooking, no splurge on stuff i don't really need, no spontaneous diving trips. and grumpy me might hurt my parents huhuhuhu so scare of this.
honestly, i prefer option 1 the most. final year is critical,but money is important too..i should start saving/making money to prepare for that 1 year...
anyway i was quite stressed thinking about it for few days so i bought a chair. an arm wing chair with stool, it will be my new study chair, costs me my 1 month oncall and medical reports pay..so much huh for saving money plan.
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