Migration

 Funny to write about migration at the comfort of my home home haha.

So, the dreadful moment has come. It's been 3 months since then. I rented a small room, of which the hotel called as studio wtf, comfortable enough to live. it's a bit suffocating to nest there, i mean the room is smaller than my kitchen, but it will do. the rent is quite competitive and i feel secured there. some more, it's close to work, only 10 min or so on most days from carpark to thumb print.

3 months, and i still cant stop counting days to go back, permanently. i still hate kl, in fact, i may hate it more than ever. all the things i hate about kl, the slow drivers, the crowds, the roads, the ridiculous antics of KL ppl, the daily food, all are exactly like that,or worse. all the stuff i hated during the countless short visit in KL, all remains the same wtf. of course, they have variety of food, some are very tasty and bougie, but food to eat on daily basis is just dismal. i am purely malay inside out, everyday i have to eat nasik with lauk for at least a meal. lauk in kl is just terrible, i cannot eat at same kedai 2 days in a row, i'd vomit. in contrast, i could eat at my usual places in penang, at the same place (any of them) for straight 7 days.

ok that's not the point much.

rather, it's about relationship. 

i've been content with myself.

wait, i haven't write about the big exam how come?!!!!

well alhamdulillah i passed my 3rd year exam haha omg the migration impact was huge i forgot everything before it. i didn't prepare much. i COULDNT prepare much, rather. we were lack of mo that time so i got really tired by the time i was home, and the exam was right after raya. i was so lembik during ramadhan astaghfirullah but i really appreciate and grateful for the fact that i was with j in that hospital, she was the perfect study partner for me. alhamdulillah both of us passed, despite the exam was so difficult (at that point of time, now when i retrospectively look at it, erm, ok la not too bad). but who cares, we passed so yay. i always mentally calculate my mistakes during exam and despite performing badly, i still think i could pass that time. then when i found out some of us failed, i still think it wouldn't be me. so, again alhamdulillah i really did pass. 

now now.

there was this guy, C. obviously not his name haha i'm still paranoid like that. we grew closer during mco as we crossed paths few times, i needed his help and vice versa. ok i needed his help more haha and he was so kind and helpful and caring. till he decided he wanted to step it up, whatever we had. i was, again, being the woman who cant love. but this is probably the most gentleman of all my exes, he gave me freedom to steer this whatever we had/have. or probably credit to me too, i grew older and wiser, and became much more diplomatic in my words and action. he was perfect, except that, i found evidence that he may be too social to my liking. i never told him that and i never actually discuss it with him. also, i wasn't sure what/how i felt about him. is it gratitude? is it love? is it physical attraction? plus, i cannot bear the long distance haha mangkuk but yeah no more hanging out whenver we feel like it.

so i called for a break. or step back. he took it calmly and told me he understand my decision and still remains friendly.

i was of course, as predicted, having difficult time adjusting, so i kinda call/text him everyday. and he never ignore me.

until i decided, it's not fair for him. i certainly can't proceed to his want, at least not till next year or two, i was the one who called it off, but i was also the one who kept on pestering him. where's the space that i myself ask?

i decided, i need to stop and get a distraction. new guy. how to find? online haha so here goes, 3rd round of online app. new place, new face right?

and not bad. now is week 3 of online dating. i downloaded cmb (again) and bumble, because my friend found her husband there haha. bumble is full of expat so i uninstalled it after 4 days. cmb again, got me the new guy, E.

New guy, i have no expectation of him, i mean, come on, online, everything can. but so far he carries the conversationn well, we even exchanged numbers and text daily. he serves his purpose as distraction, i then stopped texting C for 2 weeks.

Until today.

I stumbled upon C. He was in rush. i was in rush too. my heart skipped a beat, literally. i didn't said hi coz he was practically running the opposite way. so i continued walking. then, he called me, i turned (of course) and he walked towards me. we exchanged pleasantries, he said sorry can't talk much, he's already late. and texted me later on, saying my eyebags are quite obvious, take care blablabla. awww i melt there and then. 

i think it's suffice to say, C is definitely in the running again. maybe i should talk to him the exact reason why, to clarify and decide to proceed or not, later, when i'm less busy. 

And i still text E today. damn it feels like absolute playgirl, texting 2 guys at one time, never in my life ok how come at 32 only become playgirl why not earlier? late bloomer. but in my defence, i never being flirty with E so he's technically just a virtual friend. i'm uninstalling cmb for now.

***backdated of course***