Denial

Summer has come and pass

The innocent can never last

Wake me up when september ends

Ok. How i wish summer can pass so bloody now, it's hot, it's dry, it drives everyone mad! Everyone you all, no exclusion. Only the patient may survive. The hot-tempered like me, they will go like cursing almost every single and simple mistakes, pull the long face to almost everyone, and whatnot. SAD you all. Swell.

Erm, actually, this is NOT really summer yet. The temperature will rise and rise and rise until August, when it reaches its peak. Like seriously, come on, i can't even stand this stage of hot, now i wonder how will i survive the August. Plus, this year Ramadhan comes in summer. Man i'm so helpless. I think i should start reducing my food uptake in order to survive fasting almost 14-hours or more in the burning hot day.

Oh, and not to forget, my chameleon-like skin will go like, darker than black, effect from sunburn. Huhuhu..everyone, please recommend me a good sunblock, i can't be too darker than black, because i will celebrate eidul fitr at malaysia this year. Can't afford being the protruding black one on the photographing session. At least, i must not become blacker than my brother, the sole occupier of the one blacker than me for all these life. But then, i don't think i will give good compliance on wearing the sunblock. I mean, i don't even have time to wear moisturizer, let alone sunblock. Because, as everybody know, we need to wear sunblock at least half an hour before we go outside. Me, i wake up at 0730 (tido pas subuh, tak baik!), and by 0745, i already in the bus. 10 minutes of dress-up, 5 minutes walk to the mujamma ( bus station). See, i don't have the sunblock-applying session. But, i believe in mechanical protection. I wear hat, haha though it looks weirder than vietnemese woman farmer. Whatever, as long as i don't become darker than blacky ayong.

Ok, that's the intro. What i really wanna stress on this entry is, why we always deny our feelings. Like, you are a Chelsea fan. But when you are surrounded by Manu fans, you chicken out to claim that you are a Chelsea fan. But this is soooooo unlikely, bad example.

Ok, other examples. Like you use jaunty jackalope, but you can't admit it to the other windows-user friends, simply because you don't wanna to be called computer geek, or more harsh, because your friends are total lumps. And like, you like tomok( haha, i swear this is not me. I SWEAR!) but you yourself don't want to admit it, simply because the stigma you have put on him, his sengau, his immature look and all.

Ah i don't need to look further, because i myself have this feelings almost everytime. Makan tak lalu tidur tak boleh beb! At this rate, i even forget what day is today. For example, there were already two past wednesdays i forgot to download my staple diet. And today, i visit dattebayo 4 times to get 220, and cursing faster than Shinkansen why it's not out yet. Only then i remembered, man, today is tuesday. Parah ni.. Aaargh.. if only i can be honest to myself. But one good thing is, since i "makan tak lalu", this is so nicely fit my above plan, of training my belly on fasting in summer. The reason i can't be honest to myself is, i am too shame, even to myself to admit the truth. So, how can i tell others? I can't stand if the people retaliate back at me. The shame, the never lasting Q&A session, and my image.

Eh jap jap. I didn't do anything bad, mind everyone. Because when i read back i've wrote, it sounds like i am on drug and i can't admit it. Aargh i'm soooo bad at describing my own feelings, see. There are too many things i protect from people, even my parents. And i end up being a social recluse. What a lonely world. Seriously i'm so lonely. I utter not more than 100 words a day, lately. Excluding what i read aloud ( Alquran you all), my jamming session, and ym. Bukan apa, nobody wanna talk to me, and i'm too bad at starting conversation, that's why. And by the way, i don't feel anything bad at it. I'm just fine. Pathetic. Swell!

I wish i can apparate to Malaysia (anywhere will do) or Ukrida Jakarta. Irbid Jordan is so torturing, and excruciatingly hot.

*****

Eat breakfast like a Queen, lunch like a princess, and dine like a pauper.

This is key of health.

(the actual proverb is, king and prince instead of queen and princess, but since i'm a lady, my GIT will rupture if i eat what king and prince eat. Eh i know la how many they eat!)

*****

This cat will be rejected for sure if it willingly jumps into stew pot of a crooked witch.